It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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