ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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