I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i now understand why vodka
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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