I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
