Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
