pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
