why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Holy shit dude........stairs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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