If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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