Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
