Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
