it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
