Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
