Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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