The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
