I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
