Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How does one acquire holy water?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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