Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
