He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Enjoy the penises
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
