so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
