Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
