last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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