Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize