just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize
