I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
