I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
