I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
