I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize