The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
