you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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