just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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