Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
