Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
