so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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