garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
