you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
