I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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