We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
