just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
