dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
