I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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