I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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