maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
