M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
