Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
