We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
