I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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