Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
