Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
