Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Too much gin, very little bucket
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
