he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
