I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
