you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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