The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
