Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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