I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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