Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
