how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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