You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
