I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
