Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
