I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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