My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
