I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
