and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize