Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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