Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
