I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
