I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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