Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
