I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
