GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
