White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
