I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
