You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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