he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
