I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
