I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
