i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
