my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
