So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
