Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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