I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
is it fun? or sober?
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