I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize